Mental health providers, people who have attempted suicide and relatives of people who have taken their own lives gathered yesterday in Waikíkí to talk about how to engage the community in a discussion on suicide prevention and decrease the number of suicides statewide.

The conference was also a chance for those touched by suicide to grieve together.

During an emotional panel discussion, John Baraquio, whose 28-year-old brother committed suicide three years ago, told attendees he remembers his brother as the "happiest person." After his death, Baraquio said, "I did feel guilty. I felt shame. I felt anger. I felt all that stuff."

The third annual suicide prevention conference, co-sponsored by the state, is part of a push to bring the topic of suicide out into the open. Organizers say the stigma associated with suicide leaves families of those who have committed suicide feeling cut off and ashamed, in addition to grieving. Meanwhile, those who are thinking about suicide often don't — or don't know how to — seek help.

Dan Yahata, past chairman of the Prevent Suicide Hawai'i Task Force and a co-organizer of the conference, said another message providers want to get to the community is that suicide "crosses all borders, crosses all ethnicities." He added, "But suicide is preventable."

There are about 119 suicides statewide every year, and on average about 850 suicide attempts that require either hospitalization or treatment in an emergency room. Nationally, the number of suicides has been increasing, largely because of economic stressors. There are also continuing concerns about suicides and suicide attempts among soldiers returning from combat zones.

Dan Galanis, state Injury Prevention epidemiologist, said the number of suicides in Hawai'i through mid-2009 remained steady.

The state has one of the lowest suicide rates in the nation, but Galanis said that statistic does not take into account suspected suicides.

Galanis also said that about 75 percent of those who take their own lives in Hawai'i suffer from a diagnosed mental illness.

About 125 people attended the conference at the Hilton Waikiki Prince Kuhio yesterday, which in addition to discussions and breakout sessions included a prayer and a candlelighting ceremony to remember not only those who have died because of suicide, but their relatives — who are called "survivors."

During the ceremony, co-organizer Pua Kaninau-Santos, whose teenage son took his own life nearly seven years ago, told attendees she "never imagined being in the shoes of a survivor." But now, she said, "It's become my kuleana to be here."

After the conference, attendees participated in the first annual Prevent Suicide Walk in Waikíkí.

Lt. Gov. James "Duke" Aiona, in an address at the conference, said, "Now is the time to bring the issue of suicide out into the open."

Others agreed, saying that talking about suicide can start a healing process and begin the work of prevention.

Keynote speaker Daniel Reidenberg, executive director of national nonprofit Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, said that suicide carries a "shame and stigma and taboo." He said it's often seen as a "mark on you and your family." Reidenberg also said those who commit suicide see no other options, and often are in so much pain that they don't consider what their actions will mean for those around them.

"People who die by suicide don't want to die," he said.

Marya Grambs, executive director of Mental Health America of Hawai'i, was part of the panel to talk about how depression and an anxiety disorder caused her to attempt suicide twice — once at 17 and again at 33. She said, "Everybody's depression and everybody's drive to suicide is different." She added that at her lowest moments she was "consumed with terror consumed with hopelessness."

Wai'anae resident Art Frank was not on the panel, but was one of many attendees who informally addressed the crowd to tell their stories. Frank attempted suicide at 33 years old and in the aftermath he was "angry. I couldn't talk I had so much pain in me. I hated myself. I hated everybody. I wanted to die."

Another attendee who talked to the crowd said she had lost her daughter to suicide seven months ago.

"I'm not going to stand back anymore," the mother said, through tears. "I want to be somebody who helps."