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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, July 10, 2009

Good parenting requires a little strategic thinking


By Judi Light Hopson, Emma H. Hopson and Ted Hagen
McClatchy-Tribune News Service

Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

Share your parenting tips at hawaii.momslikeme.com

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If you're married with children or you're a single parent, it's important to learn good parenting techniques.

Failure to practice good parenting skills will only add a lot of pressure to your household.

Kids will act out any tensions in the family by arguing and making life difficult for everyone around them.

For example, did you know that a teenage girl is more likely to become overly involved with boys if her dad is gone from home too much?

Here are a few rules to remember:

  • Your child wants authority from you. Children do not want to perceive you as a best friend. In order for them to feel safe, they want you to act as the parent figure.

  • You need extended family in the picture. If you have no relatives living close by, adopt your friends as family. Extended family helps diffuse tension in your household. Children need positive energy from adults besides you.

  • Make life fun. Don't strive for perfection in terms of clean rooms, good grades, or obedience. Settle for "good enough" if nothing too large is at stake. Infuse humor and an upbeat attitude into daily living.

    In order to help your children adjust to life and not feel overly stressed, do show them the ropes for living. Make sure they have enough responsibility, but teach them to feel good about themselves even when life isn't perfect.

    Children also need to develop healthy rituals, along with good habits, so they will feel emotionally grounded. If you can make the rituals simple and fun, your chances of creating family harmony will be much better.

    The following practices can help anyone become a better parent:

  • Share one meal a day as a family. Even if you have sandwiches and milk on paper plates, try to sit down together for one meal a day. The physical closeness helps everyone feel connected.

  • Take your children's needs and wants seriously. Even if you can't meet all of those needs, honor what's important to your kids. For example, you might not be willing to buy your son a motorcycle. But, you could buy him a motorcycle magazine or discuss racing bikes with him.

  • Honor the strengths of each child. One of your children may be an A-plus student, but another might struggle to get average grades. Make it a point to brag on each child equally.

    While you might not send your child to Harvard, you can still offer him or her great quality of life through love and affection.