What is Faith?

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1)."

To which I used to reply, "Huh?" I knew "evidence" meant "proof" and "hope" is what I feel, but substance provided a bit of a challenge. So I looked it up on the computer through Encyclopedia Britannica's dictionary. I read that substance is the "ultimate reality that underlies all outward manifestations and change." OK ... but I still couldn't get a grasp on it.

It was the morning of my surgery for cancer, a second go-round. No matter how many prayers I had prayed and no matter how many people I had asked to keep me in prayer, on that, I couldn't feel faith. Instead I could only feel fear. The shaking wouldn't stop. "I can't be that scared, Lord, right?" The hospital assistant saw how "cold" I was and kindly brought a blanket for my body and a hot pad for my feet. "I guess I am scared, Lord."

"It's almost our time to go up," said the assistant as he pointed his finger in that direction. I hoped he wasn't being prophetic. He left me alone for a little while to get the paperwork, which was good because I needed more time to press God for a miracle.

In a last-ditch effort, I asked God that if he could possibly allow it, would he please have my mother (who passed about 11 months ago) visit me. Suddenly, I felt a wind blow through my body. I looked around to see where the "wind" had come from and realized that I was looking round my hospital room through my mother's eyes! In fact, I felt like my mother. I felt hunched as she had been. I was certain I had her white hair, her facial creases and her tired smile. So convinced was I that I anxiously glanced around the empty room. "Mom, if your senior citizen friends were to walk in here right now, would they say to me, 'Ana, what are you doing here?' "

Nonetheless, I no longer felt scared and my body stopped in its erratic dance. The assistant had returned, so I hunkered down into my blanket, pleased that this God, whom I never see but daily knew existed, had chosen to hear this particularly strange prayer of mine.

When I came to, I felt like myself again. I was surprised to see my aunt sitting next to my bed. This aunt and my mom were very close sisters-in-law. Aunty used to playfully call my mom "Tootsie" while my mom mischievously replied by calling her "Sarilla."

My heart beamed a silent gratitude toward God for his extra-special gesture concerning me, because, in a strange way, Mom had come to visit me twice.

What is faith? For me, faith is the proof of things I cannot see, yet is an ultimate reality of what I hoped for and took hold of during the time when I needed it most. The trick is being able to recognize the evidence of faith when it presents itself.

C. Ann Maile Makua is a retiree who lives Kane'ohe, has a master's degree in counseling psychology and is a lay preacher at an Episcopalian church.