How difficult it is to contemplate the last stages of our earthly journey! How discomforting to consider the disposition of material possessions, the end-of-life directive, our final instructions to loved ones. All require thoughtful consideration.

Still, these arduous tasks are easier to address than the deeper, darker, unresolved thoughts which surface at this time. Painful memories, long buried beneath the layers of our daily busyness, rise to confront us. We recall others' mistreatment of us, and our own callous, selfish and hurtful behavior. Many lives are blighted by memories of abuse, betrayal, hypocrisy, or injustice. We tend to cloak these through denial or rationalization. However, until we are able to examine them dispassionately and forgive others and ourselves, they will continue to haunt us.

Forgiveness is a recurring theme throughout Jesus' ministry. Jesus forgave his disciples and Peter for their occasional lapses of commitment and devotion to his ministry. He forgave the adulterous woman, the criminal on the cross, and those who crucified him. Mark 11:25 states, "When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your father in heaven will forgive your sins, too."

It is often more difficult to forgive ourselves for the wrongs we have done. Owning up to our actions requires discipline and complete honesty. God alone can help lift this burden from us and transform us into spiritually healthy, loving people. David, who committed the abhorrent sins of adultery and murder, asks God for forgiveness in Psalm 51: "Have mercy on me O God / because of your unfailing love. / Because of your great compassion / blot out the stain of my sins / Wash me clean from my guilt / Purify me from my sin."

While God's forgiveness does not absolve us from our sins, we gain solace and inner peace by forgiving others and ourselves.

I have come to realize that as a mother and stepmother, I was often distracted and emotionally absent from my children's lives. Daily chores of running the house, chauffeuring, monitoring school work and attending related activities did not make up for my lack of meaningful relationships with them. This bothered me for many years. One Sunday, our pastor discussed the power of forgiveness and suggested we reconcile with estranged family and friends by asking their forgiveness. I summoned the courage and called my stepdaughter. What a joy to hear her voice! We spoke for more than an hour. She assured me that now she understood my situation and all was well with her.

I then called my son. He, too, granted me forgiveness and said he was pleased with my efforts. He added, "Be gentle with yourself."

The relief and happiness I am experiencing is a great blessing. I realize that the latter part of our earthly journey can be a fruitful and heartwarming experience when we make peace with those we have hurt and, finally, with God's help, are able to forgive ourselves. Forgiveness is the key.

Mary Aley Wilkinson holds a certificate in lay ministry from the Bible Institute of Hawaii and is a member of Hawaii Kai Church.