Q. I hope I am over-thinking this, but my normally happy 6-year-old son has recently started incorporating death and warlike games into his imaginative play. He isn't and has never been a mean-spirited child, but his dad and I just divorced (amicably), and I feel like he's having trouble dealing. For example, he has begun telling me he feels stupid. Can you recommend something I can do, or should I consider having him talk to the school psychologist or our pastor?

A. Other psychologists may disagree, but I would not recommend professional help at this point (in the final analysis, however, I encourage you to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable). First, incorporating war and death into imaginative play is not at all unusual for boys this age and older. In and of itself, this is not cause for concern. Today's parents have become sensitized to this sort of thing because of publicized incidents of child and teen violence, but boys have been playing war games forever whereas boys becoming mass murderers is a recent phenomenon — and almost exclusively an American one.

On the other hand, if a 6-year-old suddenly becomes truly obsessed with violence (e.g., begins threatening violence or becomes cruel toward pets) I would immediately suspect regular exposure to video games with violent themes. In that case, the obvious solution is to remove the video games from the child's life. Evidence is mounting that video games, with or without violent themes, are contributing to various symptoms of stress in young children, including both depression and outbursts of anger.

It's to be expected that your son will have some degree of difficulty adjusting to a major change of this magnitude in his day-to-day life, but the fact that a youngster is not exactly overjoyed over his parents' divorce does not mean he's having a psychological crisis. As for saying he's stupid, he may be "internalizing" some anger toward the two of you, but again, I would tend to take a wait-and-see attitude. There is good likelihood that when he adjusts to the new family circumstances, self-deprecating comments of that sort will fade away.

On the other hand, if you and his father act toward him as if you think he's a victim, he will begin acting more like a victim. Children are intuitively brilliant, and they take advantage of opportunities handed to them. Your son may be repeating the "I'm stupid" mantra because you are acting as if it's to be taken very, very seriously.

The next time he says this, simply say, "We've talked about that enough. If you still think you're stupid, I'm truly sorry, but we're not going to talk about it anymore. Furthermore, saying that you're stupid means your brain is over-tired and needs a rest. So from now on, when you say that you're stupid I'm going to send you to your room to lie down and rest for an hour so you can think straight again." Your confidence in your authority is the key to your son's sense of well-being.

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers questions at www.rosemond.com.