LOS ANGELES — Sixth-grade teacher Deidre Sexton watched in disbelief as a student was struck by his mother during a parent-teacher conference. Steve Klein recalled a mother who threatened to pull her ninth-grade son out of school and have him sell fruit on the freeway. Other teachers recount the times parents have tried to bully and intimidate them.

Parent-teacher conferences are a time-honored school tradition, but for many teachers they are also trying, emotionally wrought encounters. These days, the sessions are taking on a new look as schools contend with assertive or no-show parents as well as higher academic stakes that can cause tensions.

Some teachers are providing soft lighting and candles to set a friendly atmosphere. Students are being invited to lead sessions, in part to keep the adults in check. And some schools are offering childcare services.

Not even mood lighting, however, can keep some of the meetings from becoming heated.

Retired teacher Kristine Valentine recounted a session at Budlong Elementary School in Los Angeles at which a woman, defensive about her son's poor classwork, refused to sit, towering over Valentine in an apparent attempt to put her at a psychological disadvantage.

When Klein taught at Jefferson High School in South Los Angeles, the mother of the ninth-grader was so fed up after hearing repeatedly of the teenager's disruptive exploits that she asked Klein not to call her anymore for conferences.

The relationship between parents and teachers often has been tenuous. But many educators say today's so-called helicopter parents are not partners as much as hovering, overly protective defenders of their children. Parents, in turn, say many schools emphasize test scores over the abilities of individual students.

Myra McGovern, a spokeswoman for the National Association of Independent Schools, says schools — and by extension teachers — have been caught up in a societal shift of lagging respect for institutions generally. McGovern hears anecdotes from teachers, especially at private schools, who say that, even in the classroom, they are expected to respond immediately to telephone calls or e-mails from parents seeking impromptu conversations.

"The parents feel like they know their child best, and they are their advocates," she said.

Scott Mandel, who teaches at Pacoima Middle School, said concern about manipulation is one reason he always has the student attend the conference.

"Otherwise these students can play one against the other," Mandel said.

Mandel, who recently published "The Parent-Teacher Partnership: How to Work Together for Student Achievement," said parent-teacher conferences are crucial, noting that one provision of the federal No Child Left Behind Act school reform law calls for more parental involvement.

"If you as a parent don't respect your teacher, you should probably be at another school," he said. "Teachers in turn need to respect parents as a consumer. It's like a doctor and patient who work together for the health of the body."

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