Posted on: Saturday, August 16, 2008
Bottoms-up wisdom to mull over
By David Shapiro
Volcanic Ash is taking a break from the news this week while I'm hanging out with my visiting siblings, so I'll leave you with something a little different to help you contemplate the weekly happenings.
My 5-year-old granddaughter's favorite descriptive term lately is "butt-butt" and she's always been into all things animal.
Her two passions converged nicely when my daughter found her a book called "Baby Animal Butts" by Myrsini Stephanides in the Border's clearance stacks.
While the captivated Sloanie giggles at cute pictures of the fannies of exotic creatures, I'm more interested in the clever quotes that accompany the photos. Some of my favorite bits of bottoms-up wisdom:
"My arse contemplates those who talk behind my back." — Frances Picabia
"If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles in the backside, you wouldn't be able to sit down for weeks." — Anonymous
"A baboon laughs at the buttocks of another baboon." — African proverb
"A leader who keeps his ear to the ground allows his rear end to become a target." — Angie Papadakis
"The greatest monarch upon the proudest throne is obliged to sit upon his own arse." — Benjamin Franklin
"The higher you climb on the flagpole, the more people see your rear end." — Don Meredith
"He that makes himself an ass must not take it ill if men ride him." — Thomas Fuller
"You can't get to the top sitting on your bottom." — Anonymous
"I'm an old scholar, better looking now than when I was young. That's what sitting on your ass does to your face." — Leonard Cohen
"Your brain can only absorb what your ass can endure." — P. Dan Wiwchar
"The sun don't shine on the same dog's ass all the time." — Catfish Hunter
"Hell, by the time a man scratches his ass, clears his throat and tells me how smart he is, we've already wasted fifteen minutes." — Lyndon Johnson
"Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up." — Ernest Hemingway
"Knowledge without wisdom is like a load of books on the back of an ass." — Japanese proverb
"Remember that a kick in the ass is a step forward." — Anonymous
And my own contribution: "The next person who calls me a Volcanic Ass will be the 7,943rd to have expressed that original thought."
David Shapiro has covered Hawai'i and national news for four decades as a reporter, editor and columnist. Read his blog, Volcanic Ash, at www.HonoluluAdvertiser.com/Blogs.
Reach David Shapiro at dave@volcanicash.net.
