Flipping through the pages of her old journal, Linda Spalding felt ashamed all over again. Guilt swelled within her like an infection.

For 18 years, Spalding had been unable to forget the murder trial and her time as a juror in a Honolulu courtroom. Five minutes late on the last day, she was kicked off the jury. Ever since, Spalding believed her absence led to the conviction of Maryann Acker — a 22-year-old former Sunday school teacher who Spalding never viewed as a killer.

But reliving the experience in the pages of her journal wasn't the worst part for the Canadian author.

When Spalding found the journal — until that moment lost at the bottom of a cupboard in her Toronto home — she decided to find Acker. Spalding assumed the woman had finished her prison time. She imagined Acker raising a family, perhaps daughters like the ones she had raised.

She was wrong. Acker was still behind bars, serving a life sentence in California.

Turning points usually come without warning. They are moments to seize, and this was where Spalding found herself in June 2000.

She contacted Acker, befriending her through letters and supervised visits. Spalding hoped to learn what truths she could about the inmate, and, perhaps, to purge herself of guilt.

As writers are known to do, Spalding put it all in a book, "Who Named the Knife" (Pantheon, $23.95).

The sometimes haunting memoir is Spalding's subtle first-person account of her days as a juror and the emotional journey that resulted when she reached out to Acker.

The intersection of their lives, so totally different, gave the author an intimate look at the gray areas of human nature.

"I feel like I put her in prison," the 64-year-old Spalding said recently by telephone. "I was late to the courthouse on the day she was convicted. The jury had to be unanimous. If I had voted, she wouldn't have been convicted. I have a huge load of personal shame and responsibility."

CRIME SPREE

The book opens with the murder of Lawrence Hasker, whose body was found on the rugged slopes above Hanauma Bay in June 1978. Hasker, a 20-year-old unemployed deck hand with Windjammer Cruises, had been shot in the ankle and the head.

Hasker had been kidnapped by Acker, then an 18-year-old newlywed, and her 32-year-old husband, William Acker. Fleeing bill collectors in Phoenix, the couple landed in Honolulu with a bold plan to rob tourists and a .38-caliber, snub-nosed revolver.

Hasker was the second of their Hawai'i victims, but the only one shot. The couple left Hawai'i for California the same day Hasker was killed and continued their crime spree.

Four days after arriving in California, they robbed and killed another man with the same gun that was used to shoot Hasker. The victim had been shot twice in the head.

This time, the law caught up with the Ackers, and California authorities charged them with murder. At trial, each accused the other of murder — finger pointing that landed them in prison for life with the possibility of parole.

But in Honolulu, the Hasker slaying remained an unsolved case.

In March 1979, a month after his conviction, William Acker decided to turn against his wife. In exchange for his testimony, he would not be charged with Hasker's murder.

The Honolulu trial was short.

The jury — minus Spalding — needed only an hour and 45 minutes to reach a verdict. Jurors didn't believe the testimony from the shy young woman — that she feared her abusive husband. They sided instead with William Acker, who calmly testified that his wife was the one who pulled the trigger and later wanted to have sex.

Maryann Acker's prison sentence was stiff. The Hawai'i Paroling Authority ordered that she serve a minimum of 30 years on her life sentence before she was eligible for parole. The sentence would run concurrently with her California life term.

SHOCKING REDISCOVERY

As Maryann Acker settled into the routine of prison life in California, Spalding started a new life as well. The author moved to Toronto with her new partner, "The English Patient" author Michael Ondaatje. The mother of two left behind a failed marriage and 14 years in Hawai'i.

Somewhere in her luggage was the journal she kept of the trial, an account she recorded in a yellow notebook.

"Of course, I thought about Maryann and the part I'd played in her fate," Spalding said. "I carry a basket full of regrets around with me, which is a bad habit but a lifelong one. Maryann was in that basket."

Until she found it, though, Spalding had never re-read the journal.

"It shocked me," she said. "And it increased my sense of guilt, because it seemed obvious that Maryann couldn't have been the shooter."

What grew from this was an unlikely relationship: Spalding, critically acclaimed author of three novels, and Acker, alone in a California prison, shunned by relatives.

The twice-convicted killer didn't agree with Spalding's belief that their lives were connected.

"I tried to explain to Maryann my sense of connection and responsibility, partly in an attempt to get her to explore it in her own life," Spalding said. "I realized that she didn't have a lot of interest in looking back, whereas I am obsessed with it."

Spalding doesn't think of Acker as an angel. Acker was smitten by her new husband, a bad boy with a criminal past whom she had known for only two months. Whether under duress or love, she did things she knew were wrong.

"It is really hard to parse how much of it was fear and intimidation and how much of it was slight thrill," Spalding said. "But I am pretty sure the thrill was over by the time Larry Hasker got shot."

The women have grown close and if friendship bestows forgiveness, then they have found some measure of that.

Spalding met Acker's former cellmate and foster sister, whom she helped locate for a birthday reunion at the prison. And Acker has met one of Spalding's daughters.

The two women speak on the phone two or three times a week, share concerns, health issues, good days and bad. They talk about the book, and now, the made-for-TV movie being filmed about the case.

"She is kind of sitting there in my consciousness all the time," Spalding said. "I think she will always be part of my life."

The women also talk about freedom.

"She is obsessed with getting out," Spalding said.

HOPE TO GET OUT

Acker has some reason to believe that freedom will come, though the reality is that she may never leave prison.

In January 2005, Honolulu Circuit Judge Michael Town threw out the 1982 verdict and ordered a new trial for Acker because prosecutors had failed to disclose evidence regarding William Acker's California sentence.

The Honolulu prosecutor's office fought the decision, calling it "intellectually dishonest." But late last month, the state Intermediate Court of Appeals upheld Town's ruling. Had there been a full disclosure in Acker's 1982 trial, the appeals court stated, "there is a reasonable probability that the verdict on her murder charge would have been different."

Prosecutors can appeal to the Hawai'i Supreme Court or go ahead with a new trial.

"We don't know if we are going to go for a new trial at this point in time but that determination will be made soon," said Jim Fulton, assistant to city Prosecutor Peter Carlisle. "We have 90 days to make a judgment."

Acker feels a favorable outcome could have an impact in California, where she has been eligible for parole since 1985.

But her friend is far from optimistic. Previous parole boards have cited the heinousness of two killings and a perceived lack of remorse, as well as the fact that Acker has a life sentence in Hawai'i.

"One guy two years ago told her, 'You are not going to live long enough to be forgiven,' " Spalding said. "It's hard to say why they do what they do. It's so arbitrary and subjective."

Acker's next parole hearing is next Friday.

Reach Mike Gordon at mgordon@honoluluadvertiser.com.