Q. My 3-year-old is a control freak. She's usually very agreeable and obeys the first time more often than not. However, she often attempts to control her surroundings by telling me where to go, to move my leg a certain way when she's on my lap, to park the car in a certain place, and so on. I do not indulge her every time, far from it, but if it's a harmless request and she says please, is cooperating with her a problem?

A. You are in a mild, but threatening, state of denial. Your daughter is most definitely not attempting to control "her surroundings" as you put it. She is obviously attempting to control YOU. I would strongly caution you against letting her think she can direct ANY of your behavior ANY of the time.

As it stands, you are on the verge of creating a monster. Please don't make it necessary for me to tell you, five years from now, "I told you so."

When she tells you to move your leg a certain way when she's on your lap, ask her, "Whose leg is that? Right! It's my leg. If you don't like the way I'm holding my leg, then you can get down off my lap." When she tells you to park the car in a certain place, say, "I am driving the car. I will park the car where I want to park the car. But thank you for the suggestion." Period. End of "conversations." She's obviously very intelligent, probably gifted, so she's going to quickly realize that there's a new sheriff in town.

The only one thing more obnoxious than a child who thinks she can control adults is a gifted child who thinks she can control adults.

Q. I work at a church daycare where a 13-month-old child is having difficulty adjusting. She has a rash around her mouth from constant pacifier use. In addition, she uses a bunny made from a blanket to stroke her cheek when she feels threatened or insecure. The head teacher decided to limit her from both the pacifier and the bunny. Both pacifier and bunny are now given only during nap time and then removed when she wakes up. Although she has improved somewhat after being in our room for six weeks, she still cries most of the time. Is cold turkey the best way to wean her from the bunny and the pacifier?

A. My thought is that the issue is this infant's obvious adjustment problem, not a blanket-bunny and a pacifier. I do not recommend pacifiers except to help very fussy babies go to sleep after they've been fed, but it would certainly not be appropriate for daycare staff to abruptly remove security objects from an infant who is having great difficulty adjusting to being in daycare. This child obviously needs a lot of holding and reassurance.

The very people who need to be giving her this reassurance are trying to take her security objects away. This is hardly reassuring and is probably why her behavior is getting no better after six weeks.

I think that everyone needs to stop making mountains out of molehills and pay attention to the volcano that is bubbling in the middle of this daycare center.

As you are doing, limit the pacifier to nap time, but give the blanket-bunny back to this child. Meanwhile, talk to the mom about the adjustment problems. Suggest that she take a week off from work to come and sit in the daycare with her daughter.

During this time, other staff should come over and interact with child and mother together, helping to gradually "wean" the child away from mom and help the child become involved in some of the class activities and possibilities.

This will help the child transfer some of her security needs from mom to staff and should begin to get that volcano under control.

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions at www.rosemond.com.