It's time for my favorite column of the year, when I try to patch up any sore feelings I may have caused with the newsmakers I've written about in 2007 by sending them my warmest holiday greetings.

I want to be sure each message expresses exactly the right sentiment, and what better way to do it than to spend an enjoyable day sifting quotes from some of the most inventive minds of our time.

If recipients misconstrue my glad tidings and take offense, I hope it will give them comfort that they're important enough to be on the list.

To Gov. Linda Lingle: "I'm the lamest lame duck there could be." — George C. Wallace

To Lt. Gov. James "Duke" Aiona: "If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn't have a job if (s)he was smarter." — Albert Grant.

To ousted state land director Peter Young: "He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm." — Don O'Shaughnessy.

To Senate President Colleen Hanabusa: "Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them." — Dick Van Dyke

To House Speaker Calvin Say: "Someone sent me a postcard picture of the Earth. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.'" — Steven Wright

To Senate GOP leader Fred Hemmings: "I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican." — Dan Quayle

To crossover Sen. Mike Gabbard: "I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat!" — Will Rogers

To Sen. Daniel Inouye: "I'm carrying so much pork, I'm beginning to get trichinosis." — Phil Gramm

To Sen. Daniel Akaka: "When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick." — George Burns

To Rep. Neil Abercrombie: "There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together." — Josh Billings

To Rep. Mazie Hirono: "The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces." — Maureen Murphy

To Mayor Mufi Hannemann: "Half the lies they tell about me aren't true." — Yogi Berra

To Council Chairwoman Barbara Marshall: "Think what a better world it would be if we all had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap." — Robert Fulghum

To Councilman Charles Djou: "Every speaker has a mouth, an arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom, sometimes it's filled with feet." — Robert Orben

To Schools Superintendent Pat Hamamoto: "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." — George W. Bush

To Duane "Dog" Chapman: "I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally." — W. C. Fields

To convicted labor boss Gary Rodrigues: "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." — David Dinkins

To drunk-driving pols Jon Riki Karamatsu and John Waihee IV: "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." — Dean Martin

To Hawaii Superferry CEO John Garibaldi: "Ladies and Gentlemen, let's play America's fastest growing sensation: Will It Float?" — David Letterman

To University of Hawai'i football coach June Jones: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." — Joe Theismann

To quarterback Colt Brennan: "Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game." — Michael Jordan

David Shapiro, a veteran Hawai'i journalist, can be reached by e-mail at dave@volcanicash.net. Read his daily blog at blogs.honoluluadvertiser.com.

Correction: It was Robert Fulghum who said: "Think what a better world it would be if we all had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap." The quote was incorrectly attributed in a previous version of this story.