Unless some of the new recruits are knobby-kneed little old ladies in shortie-mu'us, it's hard to imagine Honolulu Police Department officers going undercover as downtown pedestrians. It seems like they'd stick out like, well, like a cop at a bus stop. Let's see, there's the lady with the flowered dress and tube socks, there's the fidgety guy in shorts and a ski jacket, there's the college student who drinks too much coffee, and there's the cop.

With the ubiquitous shaved head, crossed arms, sunglasses and telltale stance (feet planted wider than shoulders), there's a more natural transformation with makeup and wardrobe to "drug dealer" or "guy at a chicken fight" than "nondescript person on the sidewalk."

Downtown pedestrians, even the ones wearing the reverse-print Reyn's and scampering to Starbucks, have a look of vulnerability in their eyes that you never see in a police officer. Barney Fife could pull it off, but not so much Honolulu's steely-eyed force in blue polyester.

Granted, the program to put officers dressed as "plainclothes citizens" on heavily-traversed Honolulu streets in an effort to stop the rash of car-versus-pedestrian accidents is nothing to joke about, not when people have died trying to cross the street to buy some smokes.

But there is an air of Mayberry here. With so many things to worry about, from the crystal meth epidemic to people stealing copper from miles of street lights, it seems small to have "up to 50" police officers assigned to stop people from crossing when the hand is blinking, or ticket drivers who inch into the crosswalk to goose the slowpokes along. Aren't there grandparents wearing orange vests volunteering at elementary schools for that duty?

But what else is there to do? So much contributes to the street-crossing crisis: the growing population, the huge number of cars packed on to a small island, cell phones and video players and whatever else is going in the car, the number of people who should be in hospitals or rehab or care homes who are roaming the streets only marginally able to care for themselves. Add to that the distorting effects of the online revolution, which has news outlets posting every police scanner call, giving the same weight to minor scrapes as major accidents.

It is a sad statement that the possibility of taking a human life is not deterrent enough; that fines and a scolding have to be the reasons we become mindful of our behavior. We all have some place to urgently go and expect all others to get out of our way.

But what we don't expect is a shorty-mu'u auntie with a badge. That would be cool.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.