A lot of mail I get fits the "that-may-be-the-way-things-are-but-here's-how-I-want-it-to-be" category.

One such e-mail came from Jeanne, a Michigan mother of three twenty-somethings who blasted the way companies don't share information about salary and benefits with job candidates. This was in response to the distress I expressed upon hearing graduates grilling interviewers about job security, salary and benefits.

But she applauded these graduates, saying that all companies want is to "get the smartest, best for the 'cheapest' price/investment. Who came up with this perspective (that) employees shouldn't ask anything?"

There is no law against asking any questions their hearts desire. I say, ask on about job responsibilities, who they would report to, a company's mission, culture and goals and how their performance would be evaluated. These are key elements for them to know to help them determine if the job is a good fit.

But if they ask about salary and benefits before the employer wants to "buy" them, they lose. It's just how buyers think.

Think of the last time you were buying a car. You know you have to pay quality prices for quality, but you're going to try to get the best quality for the lowest price. As Jeanne points out, that's exactly how employers think. That's the way things are.

On the other hand, the person with the car to sell wants to be paid the best price for their vehicle. They're going to first get you to see why it's worth the price they are asking. They'll tell you about the great gas mileage and mint condition it's in.

Once you want it badly enough — because you see how valuable it is and how it fits your needs of low mileage, low maintenance and safety features galore — you will be likely to pay more than you may have wanted.

The way things stand, according to a CareerBuilder.com survey, employers say the top areas they evaluate to determine your child's value are relevant experience and whether they're a good fit with the company culture. Then they look at educational background, enthusiasm and whether the candidates offer ideas and ask good questions.

Good questions are not: What is the starting salary and when will I get a raise? How secure is this job? What are the benefits?

Good questions are: What are the responsibilities and expectations for this job? Why is this position open or why was it created? What are your company's long-term goals? How would this position help achieve those? How would you evaluate my performance?

Thirty-four percent of hiring managers surveyed said they expect to offer new college graduates between $20,000 and $30,000 and 28 percent said they plan to pay between $30,000 and $40,000. Ten percent will offer between $40,000 and $50,000 and seven percent will offer over $50,000.

Besides hiring more new graduates this year than last, some plan also to increase starting salaries. But you only get more money if a manager sees potential value in you.

Mothers like Jeanne want nothing but the best for their children. She says, "Oh, yes, there is going to be a new generation of workers coming down. And it's about time. Companies have had all the rights since the mid '80s ... riding high on demands and giving little for security to their employees. Why should young people spend all their money and energy interviewing for companies they won't be happy working for anyway?"

They don't have to. First and most important, help them know themselves so they pursue careers they'll enjoy in companies they do like. Then help them get a great starting salary by teaching them how to be smart when it comes to knowing what to ask and when to ask it.

That's the way things work.