Posted on: Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Maybe it's time for your kid to do less
By Janie Magruder
Arizona Republic
Kids are back in school, and your internal monologue is revving up for all that lies ahead in the days to come: drivetosoccer - pickupfromdanceclass - fastfooddriveby - wolfitdown - yawnthroughpianolessons - watchfootballpractice - breathe - collapse - repeattomorrow.
You're a hyper-parent, caught up in a manic atmosphere that could harm your children, your relationships and your wallet.
Here are suggestions for releasing yourself from or, at least managing, the trap:
Cut back 5 percent to 10 percent on scheduled activities. For many families, that equates to only one or two weeknights a month, but it's often enough to create more sanity.
Agree on some ground rules before signing up for too much. Before saying yes, make sure your child knows how much time is required for practices, games and travel. One activity per child per semester is a good rule of thumb.
Let your child miss one or two lessons or practices, yes, even if you've paid for them. Sometimes, just hanging out is more important than rushing to one more activity.
Set priorities that school comes first. If homework or grades start to suffer, one activity is dropped.
Keep a calendar — on the refrigerator or other prominent place — of everyone's activities. When you find an empty space, leave it that way.
Realize that limiting activities doesn't make you a bad parent. Your kids will see you making tough choices, which will help them become responsible adults who make wise decisions for their families.
Remind yourself that childhood is a preparation, not a performance. Resist pressure from coaches, teachers and others who tell you to push your child to excel.
Understand there's no one-size-fits-all approach to good parenting. It's an ever-changing, unique balancing act among parents, children, spouses, extended family and others.
Remember: Your kids are around for a brief flicker of time before they start their own lives. Encourage family time, playing games, shooting hoops, taking walks, just being.
These resources can help reduce and manage family overload:
"The Over-Scheduled Child" by Alvin Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise (St. Martin's Griffin, 2001, $14.95).
"Putting Family First: Successful Strategies for Reclaiming Family Life in a Hurry-Up World" by William J. Doherty and Barbara Carlson (Owl Books, 2002, $14).
"Reclaiming Childhood: Letting Children Be Children in Our Achievement-Oriented Society" by William Crain (Owl Books, 2004, $15).
"Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn — and Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less" by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek and Diane Eyer (Rodale Books, 2004, $13.95).
"Stressed-Out Girls: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure" by Roni Cohen-Sandler (Viking, 2005, $24.95).
"Too Stressed To Think?: A Teen Guide To Staying Sane When Life Makes You Crazy" by Annie Fox and Ruth Kirschner (Free Spirit Publishing, 2005, $14.95). Suitable for ages 13 and older.
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