It is my theory that men and women are attracted to each other more by interesting conversation than by good looks.What makes an interesting conversationalist?

Learn to listen. For some reason, people prefer to talk about themselves more than about you. Start by asking, "How did you get into your line of work?" Or "What brought you to Hawai'i?" Or "What high school did you go to?" Or "When did your ancestors come over?"

These questions are guaranteed to create an opinion of you as a brilliant conversationalist and a wise person. Besides, you will learn something interesting.

There are limits to how far you can go by listening. The tricky part comes when you open your mouth. This is the test of a skillful conversationalist.

Here are some common conversation killers:

1. The One-Upsman.

Some people view a conversation as a ping-pong game to see how many times they can score. You tell about meeting Linda Lingle and this guy comes back with "I had lunch with her." This bore listens only long enough to top the last speaker.

2. The Local Yokel.

It's great to be local but there are other places in the world. A minute description of the 1984 game between Roosevelt and McKinley can get pretty boring. The same goes for what you wore to the prom in 1996 and what your dentist looks like.

3. The Judge.

It's not a good idea to insist that your own opinion is the right one if you expect people to pay attention very long. There's nothing wrong with disagreement. That adds spice to the conversation and brings out more information. But back off and give everybody else room to have an opinion, too.

4. The Egomaniac.

This is common among entertainers. There's the old story about the ham who talked about himself for 15 minutes, then added: "But tell me about yourself. What did you think of my performance?"

How to say interesting things? It will come naturally if you have lots of interests. Be curious. Celebrate life — the miracle of a sunrise, the beauty of flowers, the wonder of a baby learning to walk, our chop suey of cultures.

People will be interested in what you say if you can make intelligent comments on what they said, if you can trade information and learn from each other. People say interesting things who are passionate about life, about the past, about the future. You should surf through life, not be a couch potato.

It helps to be interested in reality, not reality shows. It's not a matter of having a college education. Anybody can be interesting if they observe and think.

Reach Bob Krauss at 525-8073.