Have you ever not known if you were coming or going? Been turned around so you don't know up from down? Been stuck in a quandary? Just plain confused? Welcome to one of the finest and least understood wine regions in all the world — the teenager of France, the redheaded stepson of the wine world: Alsace.

Alsace has been tossed about in history like bacon fat in a Southern kitchen, passed back and forth from France to Germany like the last pig in a blanket at the office cocktail party.

It is the most northern region in France, with the exception of Champagne, and is close in latitude to that of southern Germany, though separated from that country by the Rhine River and Black Forest. It seems that every time anyone from France or Germany passed anywhere close, they decided to reclaim Alsace as their own. Since WWII, Alsace has been French. But the people there consider themselves Alsatian. Influences of both countries are obvious, but for the sake of this column, it's the food and wine that count.

Alsace is protected from the winds and weather of the west by the Vosges hills. It is one of the driest regions in France, getting large amounts of sun, which enables the grapes to achieve ripeness and a little higher alcohol than in neighboring Germany. Unlike most other regions of the world, almost all grape varieties here are white. There is a small production of pinot noir, but these are rare to find in Island stores.

The leading varietals in Alsace are riesling, muscat, gewurztraminer, pinot gris, sylvaner and pinot blanc. There are others, but names such as auxerrios and chasselas can be confusing and these are most often used to blend, anyway.

One of the biggest misconceptions about Alsatian wines is how sweet the wine is. Because of its similarity to Germany in location and grape varieties, many assume these wines will taste like lollipops in a bottle. However, 90 percent of Alsatian wines are fermented until they are dry. What many perceive as sugar is actually bold and powerful concentration of flavor.

If it is sweetness you desire, there are a few wines to look for. Adding sugar to the wine juice is a process called chapitalization and it is legal here under French law. Because it is something many turn their nose up at, it is commonly practiced but not commonly discussed. Many winemakers use sugar to achieve higher alcohol, not grainy sugary flavors.

There are also two very distinct and expensive styles of dessert wines here: vendange tardive, which translates to "late harvest," and selection de grains noble. Both styles are very concentrated of flavor because the grapes are allowed to hang much longer than usual and are often picked after they have achieved a higher sugar content. Risking the chance that these grapes could "go bad" drives the price up immensely. And the fact that they must pick each grape individually, (by hand) after sorting through the vineyard time and time again puts the price over the top. All of these practices still do not guarantee a sweet wine, so asking a wine steward, sommelier, or experts at your local wine store is best.

The grape varietals are on the label and most Alsatian wines are 100 percent of a single varietal. There are a few blends, but many of these list the varietals in the blend on the label. There are 50 grand cru (great growth) vineyards in Alsace, and many will be represented on the label, as well. Only four varietals can be made into grand cru wines: muscat, gewurztraminer, riesling or pinot gris. Unlike many other export regions, mostly high-quality Alsatian wines make it to the U.S.

Because the wines of Alsace are very pure in flavor, they automatically become very food-friendly.

Riesling gives off vibrant tree-fruit flavors with a firm backbone of acidity — perfect with traditional escargot.

Gewurztraminer is a beast of its own with more of a mouth-coating viscosity and aromas of lychee, gingerbread and fruit cocktail. Being that it is Oktoberfest time, I'd love to have gewurztraminer with pig knuckles and kraut.

Pinot gris here is sometimes labeled tokay pinot gris and is the same grape known in Oregon and Italy as pinot grigio. However, this pinot gris is full-bodied, fragrant and perfect with foie gras or any other part of the goose.

Muscat is a huge family of wine with more than 100 genetic variations, from Moscato de Asti from Italy to the famous dessert wines made in the south of France. Alsatian muscat is musky with hints of almonds and flowers.

Most foodies think it impossible to pair wine with asparagus, but Alsatian muscat would be the one. Pinot blanc is one of my favorites, reminding me of freshly baked apple pies. I find it great with shellfish, muenster cheese and lightly dressed salads with vinaigrette.

Alsatian wine can run from $12 to $25 on the regular end and $50 to $150 on the high end. Most producers make several bottlings of all varieties. Some of the better producers are Hugel, Zind-Humbrecht, Marcel Deiss, Weinbach, Trimbach, Schlumberger, Ostertag, Wolfberger and Josmeyer.

So might I recommend if you are going to dizzy yourself, do it with an Alsatian wine and pig knuckles while dancing the chicken dance at Oktoberfest.

This is Heath Porter's last column for The Advertiser; he is taking a sommelier position on the Mainland. Raise a Glass continues in this space every other week with a rotating panel of beverage experts.