DETROIT — In her 30 years as owner of her own company, Billie Jo Wanink says few things have robbed her of sleep. Firing someone was one of them.

"I don't think it ever gets any easier for anyone to let someone go," said Wanink, 60, of Bloomfield Hills, Mich., who has shown people the door at least a dozen times throughout her career.

"It doesn't matter who it is. You know how it impacts them and their livelihood and their family situation. It's very, very difficult."

From small firms to government offices, retailers, supervisors and business owners are telling employees that they must go.

For the worker who's fired, the trauma is understood — harsh and unpleasant, not unlike a death or divorce. A firing can be financially crippling.

For those delivering the bad news, feelings are complex. Supervisors might feel relieved they're not losing their own jobs, but the feeling comes with a large dollop of survivor's guilt.

"It is a highly stressful thing for a manager," said Robin Bond, an outplacement attorney in Wayne, Pa., who has represented both employees and businesses in cases related to firings.

"A lot of people in human resources often find they do not want to do their jobs anymore. They internalize this. They have to watch the unhappiness of others.

"You feel guilt, and it's not that you've done anything wrong but you can feel like you have," she said. "You're wishing you could say or do something to make it better but you're woefully inadequate at making the person feel better about this."

Wanink, who is retiring and selling her business, doesn't remember the first time she had to let someone go but she recalls the most difficult example.

The commercial design and furnishings firm that she founded in 1976 was growing quickly and she had to fire a favorite employee because the job had outgrown his skills.

"Because of his dedication to the company and his loyalty to me, it was a very difficult thing to do," she said.

"It was very sad for me. He'd always been on time and went the extra mile, but as a small business, you can't afford to hire someone new without letting another go."

She tried to help him find another job, referring him to other companies they knew.

"He took it hard," she said.

As the years went by, she began to accept firings as an inevitable part of business. As she gained experience, she said, she honed her skills.

"I learned early on that you can't go on explaining and explaining and explaining," she said. "You have to give the reason, but that you can't be overly wordy about it."

She found that asking the person to leave right away worked best. His or her last paycheck should be in hand, along with any severance and any program to help transition into another job.

Sticking around puts "a damper on the morale," she said. "People will talk amongst themselves about it."

Because firings are difficult experiences for people on both sides of the table, experts advise that those in charge rehearse, and come in armed with a script and a list of things to absolutely not say.

"If it's done wrong, it can get really ugly," said Jim Mitchell, senior vice president at the outplacement firm Lee Hecht Harrison in Bingham Farms, Mich. The firm handles outplacement for automakers, suppliers, financial firms and food companies.

"They need to follow a script and follow it tightly," Mitchell said. "There shouldn't be any beating around the bush."

People usually react to the news in a variety of ways, including becoming angry, hostile, denying that it's happening, or trying to bargain their way out of it.

"This is not a time to be defensive or have a debate," Mitchell said.

"Stay calm and factual about what the decision was based on. This is not a negotiation or a bargaining session. You need to communicate that the decision is final."

There should be a balance of compassion and professionalism, Mitchell said. Compassion makes the experience less painful for those learning they're no longer employed.

Tracey Treiber, 35, of Dearborn Heights, Mich., who was fired from a job at an architectural firm three years ago, said her firing was handled so poorly, it made her feel horrible about herself and the firm.

The company was struggling financially and needed to cut jobs.

"At the time, you feel really devastated and hurt," said Treiber, who found a job a month later.

The company sent an office manager and someone else she didn't know to deliver the news, she recalls.

"I didn't really know or work with them at all," she said.

And she still remembers the words that stung the most.

"Don't ever say, 'This is hard for me, too,"' she said. "I mean, I believed him, but they are in a very different position. I'm a single person out of work wondering what I'm going to do. You own the company, you still go home with the same security. It's just an insensitive thing to say."