Jessica Minder and Lloyd Lam couldn't be more different.

Born and raised in Hastings, Minn., Minder came to Hawai'i to study cultural anthropology and nutrition. Lam was born in Nha Trang, Vietnam, grew up in Palolo and studied to be an air-conditioning tech.

But they did share one very important trait: an eagerness and openness to learn new things.

"Basically, it's our positive attitude," said Minder, 26, who works as a nutrition, exercise and tobacco cessation specialist at Kokua Kalihi Valley. "The No. 1 thing for us is that we keep learning, growing and bettering ourselves as individuals. It's nice to be with someone like that."

The couple met in April 2001 at an Ooklah the Moc concert at Anna Bannana's.

Lam noticed Minder first, as she was walking to the bar.

Lucky for him, his friend knew her from classes at the University of Hawai'i-Hilo, where Minder had studied cultural anthropology.

She walked over and they hit it off. Instantly — despite her unconventional blond dreadlocks and hairy legs — he was smitten.

"I was a little timid at first," said Lam, 29, a maintenance worker at Pearl Harbor. "But I was interested. She's a free spirit, you could just see it."

They danced that night. He bought her a few beers. Then he insisted he drive her home to Manoa. (She was going to walk.)

After several attempts with inkless pens, Lam wrote down his number, handed it to her and hoped she'd call.

She did. They went out again that weekend.

It only took a couple of weeks for their relationship to move from casual friendship to seriously romantic. By May, after a birthday lunch for Minder at Todai Restaurant complete with balloons and lei, they were officially a couple.

"He kissed me goodbye, but on the lips," Minder said, smiling. "That was the first hint there was something more there."

They were still getting to know each other, though, and their differences became striking.

Minder grew up in a household where communication was everything. If they had a problem, they talked about it.

For Lam, his family rarely shared emotions, much less talked about problems. He had to learn quickly that communication was important to Minder — and important to their relationship.

"Our family doesn't talk like that," Lam said. "I had to learn to communicate better."

Spending so much time together, Minder moved into the rental Lam shared with one of his brothers in October.

Five months later, they found their own place — a 300-square-foot studio in Kaimuki. They lived in this tight space for three years, hanging hats and surfboards from the ceiling because they were running out of room.

"If we could survive in that, we could do anything," Minder said, laughing.

At this time, Minder was working toward a degree in food science and human nutrition at UH. Though she was committed to Lam, she wanted to apply for paid internships in her field on the Mainland. That would mean they'd have to split up.

"I figured if we were supposed to be together, we would be," Minder said.

But she lost her drive to become a registered dietitian and decided to focus on public health — which kept her in Hawai'i and with Lam.

"I decided I wasn't going to leave, so I got a job and thought, 'This is it,' " Minder said.

That's when the couple went looking for engagement rings.

In just a few months, Lam bought one that she had picked out and decided it was time. But his proposal wasn't what she had anticipated.

She wanted something grand, something memorable. At the very least, Lam would be on bended knee.

But Lam decided to be subtle about it. He slipped the ring on her finger while she was sleeping and waited for her to wake up.

"She tried to act happily surprised," Lam said, laughing. "But she couldn't fake it anymore."

They planned a Sept. 3 wedding in Hastings, Minn., where Minder's family still lives.

And, of course, it had to reflect their cultural differences, to blend their heritage with their new life together in Hawai'i.

Minder wore a traditional white wedding gown; Lam wore an aloha shirt and maile lei. Their favors were Chinese brocade mirror boxes filled with cookies. They hung about 200 Chinese lanterns from the ceiling and decorated the reception hall with parasols.

Minder has embraced Lam's Vietnamese-Chinese culture, learning the customs and traditional foods from his family.

And Lam has embraced Minder's healthy lifestyle — he runs and bikes with her — and feminist attitude. He's fine with her keeping her last name.

This month, they moved into a two-bedroom apartment in Palolo. Their next goal: to have kids. Lots of them.

And in true individualist fashion, they're even blending their last names for their kids.

"We're going to be Team Laminder," Minder said, smiling and high-fiving Lam. "That's important to us."

Reach Catherine E. Toth at ctoth@honoluluadvertiser.com.