Posted on: Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Divide parent time with kids fairly
Advertiser Staff
The question among many separated parents this time of year: Who gets what time with the kids?
"The added stress of settling holiday access can derail what should be a happy occasion into a tangle of hurt feelings," said Gary Direnfeld, a social worker and parenting expert based in Ontario, Canada.
"Give a little to get a little, think outside the box and most importantly, consider the kids."
Direnfeld, who operates a Web site on parenting, offers more tips to make planning holiday arrangements easier:
Settle as far in advance as possible. Parents can save themselves from the anger, anxiety and potential disappointment of last-minute failed negotiations.
Think about the even year/odd year compromise. One parent gets first choice in even years and the other in odd years, or simply switch the holiday time on an alternating year basis.
Let go a little. When negotiating, on your own or through a mediator, remember the best of negotiations regard the fact that neither side gets 100 percent of what they want. Compromise is key. Give something to get something.
Think outside of the box. While some parents are simply unwilling to let go of Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, other parents have learned to celebrate on an alternate day, when relatives can gather and enjoy quality time and special activities. Kids in this scenario actually find great comfort in this strategy, as it ends parental conflict and leaves the children open to enjoy time with each parent.
If you and your spouse cannot agree, consider a mediator. A mediator is kind of like a referee, or better still, like a first-grade teacher: Someone who will help you play nicely.
Source: Gary Direnfeld, www.yoursocialworker.com
