A father recently told me one reason his 10-year-old son was active in a different sport every season was "he needs to learn how to be a team player."

An odd notion, that a child learns to "be a team player" by participating in sports events where the level of adult involvement effectively eliminates decision-making on the part of the children.

Like many American families, the family in question spends significant after-school and weekend hours carting two children to team-sports practices and games.

But watching a child play a sport and cheering from the sidelines does not constitute a family activity. A picnic is a family activity, as is a nature hike, a museum visit or a trip to Niagara Falls. A family is engaged in a family activity also when everyone pitches in to clean the house, weed the yard or plant a garden.

Sadly, few of today's families do those sorts of things regularly. What with all the after-school sports and activities the kids are involved in, not to mention homework, there's no time. I contend that many children are growing up knowing what the word "team" means, but not knowing that one's family is the greatest team one can ever be a member of.

A child learns how to be a family-team player by having meaningful responsibilities within his family. By the time the child is 4 years old, for example, his parents have assigned him to a daily routine of chores. He learns that his role in the family is important, that he has value within his family. He develops a sense of personal dignity, attaches importance to his family, and begins to bond with the values the family holds dear. That is the "right stuff" of learning to be a team player.

Unfortunately, in today's all-too-typical family, the only people acting as if they have obligations are the parents. The problem is that consumption without contribution inevitably engenders a feeling of entitlement, the feeling that "I deserve."

Individualism and materialism rule, hobbling the development of more functional pro-social values as well as a valid sense of self-worth.

The child ends up feeling OK when he is getting what he wants and not OK when he is not getting what he wants. Thus, the ubiquitous effort to make children happy is putting them at risk for becoming perpetual malcontents, and has no doubt played a significant role in the steady rise in the rate of child and teen depression since the 1960s, when "You can go outside after you've finished your chores" began its slide into obscurity, to be replaced by "Hurry up, we've got to get you to football practice on time."

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions at www.rosemond.com.