Five years ago Tom Merrill and Bobbie Sandoz were happily single at 60.

Both divorced, they figured they wouldn't marry again.

Then one morning in Waikiki Merrill ran into Sandoz — literally. He was heading to an appointment after a morning workout; she was running late for a breakfast get-together with girlfriends.

After some spilled coffee, Merrill realized who he had nearly knocked over: the girl he had a crush on in eighth grade at Punahou School.

Sandoz remembered him, too. In fact, she had put his name on her wish list of men who might make ideal partners.

So they quickly exchanged e-mail addresses and promises to get together soon.

They did — and the romance after five years, the Manoa couple said, hasn't ended.

"This is the first relationship I have ever been in where I haven't felt any limitations," said Merrill, 65, a full-time clinical and forensic psychologist specializing in marital and family therapy. "I feel incredibly lucky. It's everything that I want in a relationship."

It's been going so well, in fact, that the Merrills wanted to share their relationship secret with the world. So they sat down together and co-authored "Settle For More: You Can Have the Relationship You Always Wanted ... Guaranteed!" (Select Books, $21.95), in stores this week.

Their relationship might not have turned out this way had the couple not found an intentional method to keep their relationship strong and thriving — especially considering the odds were stacked against them.

The divorce rate in the United States, which hovers around 50 percent for first marriages, shoots up for second (60 percent) and third (78 percent) matchups.

This union would be the second for Sandoz and the third for Merrill. Those odds were just unacceptable.

"I didn't want to be another statistic," Merrill said.

They flirted with the idea of not getting married. But they decided that wouldn't work, considering what they both wanted in a relationship.

"You can't really have what you're dreaming of without a commitment," said Sandoz-Merrill, 65, a personal development consultant and award-winning columnist.

So despite the statistics — and people telling them the courtship wouldn't last — they plowed ahead, got married and have been head-over-heels ever since, thanks to what they call the Merrill Model.

It shows couples how to preserve the intensity of their love, rather than let it fade away. It's about being responsible for the well-being of your relationship. And it's about raising your standards on your relationship — and not settling for anything less.

The model has proven to be so successful in their own marriage — and of those they have co-counseled — the Merrills decided to share their concept with every couple out there set on defying the odds and having a fulfilling, limitless relationship.

"There is a relationship crisis in our country particularly, and nothing that's been thrown at it is changing it," Merrill said. "If anything, it's getting worse."

The Merrills point to negative stereotypes marriage has in today's society: Married couples are miserable and unhappy; wives nag, husbands cheat.

Couples, once happily engaged and eager to please, may sink into a state of apathy, neglecting their partners and, in the process, their relationship.

But it doesn't have to be that way, the Merrills said.

"People really do want to have meaningful, healthy, warm, supportive relationships," Sandoz-Merrill said. "They're just not trained in how to get that."

"Settle For More" identifies 15 key elements — metaphorically called "apples" in the book — for the basis of a sound, strong relationship. These include honesty, commitment, honoring, passion, connectiveness and seamless communication.

The Merrills say couples should know what they want in a relationship, rather than in a person. Knowing what they want will help them make smarter decisions about things that could impact that relationship.

Each "apple" is put in a bowl, which represents the relationship. All the apples have to be in the bowl in order for the relationship to be complete. If you take out one apple, the relationship will suffer.

"If the relationship is that important and I know what I want, and I'm aware I'm taking something out of that bowl, that makes the relationship not the one I want," Merrill said. "Now why would I do that?"

The Merrills consider themselves living proof that this relationship model works. They make decisions with the other in mind. They share goals and values. They don't keep secrets from each other. They enjoy being together. They golf, walk, write, laugh, cook and travel together. And they love every minute of it.

"We're adamant about keeping it this way," Merrill said. "I couldn't have possibly imagined a relationship like this before. If we didn't have the model, we probably wouldn't have made it."

The book debunks such marriage myths as "It's not easy" and "Fighting is healthy." According to the Merrills, marriage can be as fun and easy as the relationship was during courtship.

"It can get better, actually," Sandoz-Merrill said with a smile. "This really is a love affair."

Reach Catherine E. Toth at ctoth@honoluluadvertiser.com.