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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Thursday, August 25, 2005

The plus side of sleepovers

By Zenaida Serrano
Advertiser Staff Writer

Renee Katayama, 10, of Kaimuki; Kiana Giesbrecht, 9, of Mo'ili'ili; Hannah Harrer, 11, of Hawai'i Kai; Madison Moore, 9, of Wai'alae Iki, and Morgan Moore, 11, of Wai'alae Iki have fun dancing at the Moore home during a recent sleepover.

Photos by REBECCA BREYER | The Honolulu Advertiser

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SENDING YOUR CHILD TO A SLEEPOVER?

  • Pack an overnight bag and include: favorite pajamas, toothbrush, pillow and a sleeping bag. For younger children, other supplies might be handy: consider a night light (if they're afraid of the dark), a stuffed animal to remind them of home or disposable, self-changeable underpants.
  • Get to know the family who'll be hosting the sleepover so you can be assured that your children will be safe staying at their home. Also make sure you exchange phone numbers in case of an emergency.
  • Don't plan important activities for your children the day after the sleepover, in case they're tired from the long night full of fun.

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    HOSTING A SLEEPOVER?

  • Develop a list of rules with your children to ensure the sleepover goes smoothly — before friends arrive, explain to your children that they're in charge of making sure everyone follows the rules.
  • Keep the sleepover hours as short as possible. This will avoid possible problems, boredom or mischief. Arrange for the kids to arrive after dinner and be sure their parents know what time to pick them up the next morning.
  • Welcome the guests. Let the children know they can come to you if they feel homesick, experience bed-wetting or have trouble falling asleep.
  • Provide plenty of fun snacks. Mini pizzas and an ice cream sundae station complete with all the fixings are definite crowd pleasers.
  • Keep a low profile. Kids love the feeling of independence that sleepovers offer, so give them their privacy. Occasionally check in on them, but have a good excuse for your visit, such as a plate of warm cookies.
  • Don't forget the sleepover traditions. Suggest some familiar favorites such as a pillow fight or watching videos.
  • Create a comfortable sleeping space. But to avoid arguments keep the kids off the couches — everyone should be in their own sleeping bag. Arrange the sleeping bags in a starburst shape, with heads in the middle.
    Sources: Penny Warner, child development expert and author of "Slumber Parties — 25 Fun-Filled Party Themes," and the makers of Pull-Ups GoodNites Underpants

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    Renee Katayama, Kiana Giesbrecht and Madison Moore were treated to pizza at their recent slumber party at the Moore home.

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    Madison Moore, 9, of Wai'alae Iki, and Kiana Giesbrecht, 9, of Mo'ili'ili, apply makeup to each other at the Moore home on a recent Friday night. Experts liken sleepovers for children to other "mastery experiences."

    REBECCA BREYER | The Honolulu Advertiser

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    When Morgan Moore invites her closest pals over for a slumber party, the Moore household in Wai'alae Iki inevitably bursts with peals of laughter and girly-girl chatter late into the night.

    Morgan and her girlfriends enjoy the standard sleepover diversions: baking cookies, watching their favorite movies, painting each other's nails, and — of course — having pillow fights in their pajamas.

    It's all about "giggling and staying up late at night," the 11-year-old said.

    Morgan is among tweens (ages 8 to 12) who have discovered the joys of sleepovers. A national survey conducted earlier this year by Impulse Research, a marketing research firm, showed 71 percent of mothers say their kids attend the most sleepovers during the summer months, which lasts until Sept. 21.

    While pillow fights and all-night snack fests may be loads of fun for kids, slumber parties may also be good for them developmentally, fostering independence and improving social skills such as intimacy- and trust-building, experts say.

    "It can be a very helpful and a very important part of their childhood," said Jeffrey D. Stern, a clinical psychologist who specializes in child and family issues.

    Stern likens sleepovers to other "mastery experiences," he said, such as sleeping with the lights out for the first time or learning how to ride a bike — experiences that involve an opportunity for children to overcome fear, trepidation and anxiety, he said.

    "It is, for the child, a journey of independence, and for the parents, it's a letting go," Stern said. "So in both ways it's kind of a stepping stone."

    Another advantage of a sleepover is it gives children a chance to see how other families live, Stern said, who's also an instructor in child development and research methods at the University of Hawai'i.

    Morgan's mother, Robin Moore, agrees.

    "I think it's important for kids to experience another family's home life," said Moore, 41, a business owner and stay-at-home mom of four children, ages 13, 11, 9 and 6.

    Being exposed to another family's rules, morals and possessions helps give children perspective, both Stern and Moore said.

    Mom and Dad also can benefit from slumber parties, Stern said.

    "Parents can have impact on the choice of friends that their kids make and how to influence which friends your kids choose ..." he said. "You can be part of the friendship-making ... which will be so influential over them in the years to come."

    By getting to know the parents of your child's sleepover buddy, you'll know what kind of parenting your child's friend is getting, if that's compatible with your parenting beliefs, and if "it's a safe friendship to have that will hopefully lead to responsible choice making," Stern said.

    But most important of all, sleepovers are a way for kid to be kids.

    "The key for kids is they like the company," Stern said. "Kids at this age, peers and friendships start to become more and more important."

    Kailua resident Lori Kahikina-Moniz, the mother of three boys, ages 9, 6 and 4, hosts sleepovers for her eldest and allows him to sleep over his friend's house, as well.

    "It's like a treat for my older son because being the oldest, he has a lot of responsibility to take care of his two younger brothers, so it's like a reward for him," said Kahikina-Moniz, 34, an engineer.

    When Kahikina-Moniz holds slumber parties at her home, her son La'akea can count on a night filled with movies (preferably adventures or comedies) complete with popcorn topped with all the fixings — candy, arare or furikake — board games, card games and video games.

    "Sleepovers are cool 'cause I get to go over my friend's house or my friend gets to come over (my house) and spend the night, which happens rarely, so it's just fun," La'akea said.

    Reach Zenaida Serrano at zserrano@honoluluadvertiser.com.