There's nothing quite like seeing a good movie on a hot summer afternoon. Then again, there's nothing like a good summer movie anymore.

For years, I looked forward to summer movies, even though traditionally it's the fall movie season that's supposed to be tailored to "mature" film-goers like myself. Summer movies are designed for the teen crowd, right? Action, romance and silliness. The way I see it, though, summer movies are about popcorn, a large drink and, above all else, air conditioning.

The first air-conditioned buildings were movie theaters, and for those of us who still value trade winds over freon in our homes, the air-conditioned theater is still the finest place to unstifle yourself. I hope I never get too old to appreciate entering a dark, cool place on a late Sunday afternoon when the temperature is hitting 90, losing myself in mindless entertainment and emerging a few hours later into a cool summer twilight.

So each Friday morning when the paper arrives with the new week's movie listings, I rush like a little kid to see what's available. More often than not, I'm disappointed.

Here's a sample of what was on tap one weekend last month from capsule reviews:

"The Devil's Rejects" — "A gaudy vomitorium of a movie, violent, nauseating and pretty good."

"Hustle & Flow" — "Terrence Howard in a breakthrough role as a pimp and drug dealer."

"Schizo" — "A coming of age tale about a 15-year-old boy in Kazakhstan who procures young boxers for illegal fights."

"Bad News Bears" — "Billy Bob Thornton is a drunken has-been minor-league pitcher who coaches a Little League team made up of losers."

Here's the really frightening thing: Each of these movies was given a rating of at least three stars by the nation's best-known film critic.

I don't mean to cry in my beer. We're all in the same boat looking for a good movie — unless you happen to be 13-something (or a film critic) and think a gaudy vomitorium of a movie can be pretty good. But really, is it too much to ask that just once a week for a few months each summer, someone makes a decent (in the original sense of the word) film and offer it up at just one of the 16-plex theaters on a Sunday afternoon? Apparently, it is.

So instead of a couple of diversionary hours in a cool, dark place, I'm sitting at home, doing yard work, sweating and complaining like an old guy.

Of course, someone says, we could go to the mall and look around, just for the air conditioning. Now, there's a real horror show.

Reach Mike Leidemann at mleidemann@honoluluadvertiser.com.