Family reunion photographs, like this one of Shelley Santo and her uncle Richard, were distributed after the event for family members to take home. (Santo - Fukino - Kunishi - Uyeda reunion).

Let’s face it: The only events where most people see their entire family are weddings and funerals. Even on an island, many relatives don’t see each other outside important family events. Some never meet at all.

That irony is what makes families that hold formal reunions intriguing: What does it take to pull today’s busy and far-flung families together for a party? And what are they doing to make these rare gatherings memorable, fun and different from the stereotypical yawner of a reunion?

Today’s family reunions come in all shapes and sizes. From lunch buffets to weeklong activities, from 50 people to a crowd of 300, family get-togethers in Hawai‘i have become creative.

Families from all walks of life are discovering joy in it. "We’re not a famous family or an important, rich family," said Doreen Higa, who helps plan the huge Isa family reunion every four years. "We’re just the Isas."

For the Isa clan, what began as a Buddhist memorial service for their grandparents in Hilo 22 years ago has turned into a once-every-four-year event with activities that fill an entire week.

Tilapia fishing outings, skating at Ice Palace, golf tournaments, bowling - the Isa family plans it all.

But the major highlight is always the banquet. This year, more than 150 family members from all over Hawai‘i and California attended the dinner buffet at Gikeon Temple in Kalihi.

Every year the venue and menu change, but some things remain the same.

The Memory Book has been part of the Isa family reunions since 1984. It started as a 19-page, spiral-bound, typewritten booklet. This year’s book is as thick as a ream of paper, professionally bound and designed on the computer. It contains the family history, a pull-out family tree, a calendar with birthdays and anniversaries, and a family directory with addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses.

"The first book was in memory of our grandparents," said Higa, a 51-year-old speech language pathologist from Honolulu and editor of the memory books. "Now it’s our four-year letter. My son’s life is chronicled in this book, much to his chagrin, but it gives the kids that sense of belonging."

It has become the way the scattered family members keep in touch.

"How important is it? It’s vital," Higa said. "It really encapsulates what the family is all about. It defines who we are. When our children start to ask questions (about the family), we already have the answers. You can’t put money on the value."

When Shelley Santo planned her first family reunion last year, she didn’t know it would soon become a biannual event. The reunion, held in July at Treetops Restaurant in Manoa, drew 128 family members from Hawai‘i, California, Oklahoma, Arizona, Ohio, New York and Oregon.

"The idea is to have one every other year, but I’m passing the torch to the Fukino family," said the 30-year-old architect from Santa Monica, Calif., who planned the entire event for the Santo, Fukino, Konishi and Uyeda families herself. Since not everyone could attend the reunion here, relatives on the Mainland are planning a mini-reunion in Las Vegas this December.

Planning stage

With 206 members, the Isa family operates much like a business, with committees set up to plan everything from reunions to weddings to funerals.

Each of the 13 second-generation children has representatives on the reunion committee. They are responsible for getting after their respective families to respond to invitations and contribute stories and photos to the memory books.

"We have a core group that plans the reunion, but that one person from each family is the one who helps motivate the others," said Dawn Isa, a 42-year-old physical therapist from Honolulu who helps with the planning. "The representatives are very important."

Affectionately called the "Original 13," the nisei, or second-generation children, started the first committee for the reunion in Hilo. Since 1988, the third generation has taken over.

"It’s not a chore, it’s not a task," Higa said. "It’s something we look forward to."

The strength of the committee comes from its diversity. Each member brings different talents and resources, such as graphics skills or catering contacts.

"We’re all individuals, but we’re strong together," Higa said. "And that’s how we pull it off."

Over a span of 22 years, the Isa family has organized large, weeklong family reunions every four years, and they have discovered that the only way to plan a reunion of more than 200 family members is by committee. Wearing reunion T-shirts, the committee members include, from left, Dawn Isa, Corinne Takara, Doreen higa, Waynette Tamashiro, Rod Isa, Sharon Isa and Pat Fujisaki. Deborah Booker • The Honolulu Advertiser

Closeness counts

The reason Santo planned a reunion was that the family had grown apart over the years.

"When the grandparents passed away, we lost that connection," she said. "The family had gotten so big. This was an opportunity for everyone to try and get all the relatives together."

The only time the family got together anymore was for funerals, said Randy Fukino, Santo’s 44-year-old cousin from ‘Ewa Beach, who helped her plan the reunion.

"We talked about having a reunion for years, but we never did it," he said. "We wanted to find out who we were related to and see how much everyone’s grown."

Like Santo, Fay Haverly decided to plan a reunion specifically because her family wasn’t close. She thought this would be a nice way to meet all the cousins and talk about old times.

"We didn’t know what to expect," said the 51-year-old from East Honolulu.

Of the 80 who were invited, 51 folks attended the buffet dinner at the Radisson Waikiki Prince K¬hi¯ in August.

What piqued her relatives’ curiosity was the family tree she sent along with the invitation in April.

"That was a good thing, especially for the aunties and uncles," she said.

By contrast, the Isas pride themselves in being a close-knit Okinawan family, which helped them plan reunions, among other family events.

"We are really fortunate as a family that we’re really, really close and we like each other," said Waynette Tamashiro, a 41-year-old office manager from Mililani. "We have fun together."

The second generation and third generation of Isas have gathered for Christmas and other holidays for long as any of them can remember.

"It’s the coming together of the family that has always been the main point (of our get-togethers)," Higa said. "When you walk in, you’ll notice we’re all sitting around talking. The food and the games are nice, we have fun, but it’s more for the camaraderie. This is family."

Cost factor

For most families, keeping costs down is a priority.

When Haverly sent out the inquiry-invitation, she said the dinner could cost between $25 and $30. "We had no idea what kinds of means these people had," she said. "We had to find someplace that fell into that price category. Then finding a place became a problem."

Haverly did not have the luxury of time when planning her reunion; she had a few months.

The Isa reunion committee notifies the other family members two years in advance, to give them a chance to plan, prepare and save up.

But attending all the events of the Isa family reunion can be costly. Dinner costs about $15, but with souvenirs, memory books, family photos, T-shirts and green fees for the golf tournament, each participant may pay well over $100.

"In the end, it’s all for fun, to be together," Tamashiro said. "It’s not the food you eat or the shirt you’re wearing. It’s about being together. Everything else is icing on the cake."

Because many of the relatives attending the reunion that Santo was planning were from the Mainland, she tried to keep the dinner costs way down. Santo asked for just $9 per head.

"I was pretty amazed how well (it went) and how pretty inexpensive it was," she said.

Making memories

At all three reunions, the focus was on talking story, catching up on old times and meeting the long-lost relatives.

"The most memorable part of the reunion for me was seeing my dad get up and thank everyone for coming," Santo said. "He was so touched that everyone came. He used to tell us stories about growing up around the family, and he wanted us to see that. To see him walk around like a little kid was the best part."

Photos are a big part of reunions. Haverly asked each family to put together a photo collage to display at the reunion. Both the Isas and Santo hired a professional photographer to take individual family photos and one big reunion photo.

Most families planning reunions want to commemorate the event. The Isas hand out gifts to the nine living members of the "Original 13" and descendants of the four late members. Haverly gave out bookmarks with the family mon (or crest) to everyone who came. Santo’s family put together gift baskets.

The stroll down memory lane for these families becomes a memory in itself, one that touches all generations and lasts lifetimes.

"You gotta see the looks on everybody’s faces when we get together," Higa marveled. "You have to be there to see it. It sounds real mushy and all that, but you get a sense of belonging. You know you’re family."

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