We have started the year with two heart-breaking reminders that family violence continues to devastate our community. Absorbing the news of violent assaults and inexplicable behavior overwhelms us on every level. But we must use this moment as an opportunity to draw lessons and find solutions.

Despite recent headlines, domestic violence remains largely invisible. Until we learn of a brutal death, too few people think about it, or don't recognize it. The deaths these past two weeks force us to acknowledge that abuse behind closed doors between intimate family members is taking a toll on our community.

The lives we lost should serve as opportunities for personal growth, community engagement and political leadership, if we use this occasion to renew our commitment to such goals. If each of us will do something, these lives then will not have been lost in vain.

One of the reporters I spoke with expressed the shock I think many were feeling, when he wondered aloud, "Why does it never end?" I reminded him that my staff and I see brutal family violence every day, and urge everyone in the community who cares to pay attention and strengthen their commitment to change this dynamic.

For those asking what they can do with this moment of awareness, there are several things to consider. Acting early is key. Should you be suspicious or concerned about a friend, co-worker, neighbor or family member, express your concern.

Phrases like, "I can only imagine how difficult it is," lower defensiveness. Besides expressing a gentle statement of caring, pass on information, like a telephone number, or just offer to listen. These are simple, loving and potentially lifesaving gestures.

If you are an employer, make your workplace a safe environment where victims can ask for help, or share their challenges. Violence in the home travels to the workplace. Policies can be implemented to keep the workplace safe and supportive.

Unfortunately, for too many people, the inclination remains, after all these years of exposure to stories on abuse and domestic violence, to minimize or dismiss what we see. You may believe it is "none of your business" and not your role or your right to become involved. But think about it. Won't your regret be more painful than your doubt should someone be hurt?

Many myths surround family violence. We must educate ourselves to better understand the tactics of abuse, the reasons victims cannot leave, the ways abusers maintain control, the effects on children and the costs to the community.

If we do not risk the discomfort of reaching out, we cannot reduce the abuse that disturbs us. If elected officials are not willing to invest a little more to address the social needs that underlie the problem, lives and souls will continue to be in jeopardy. We must not stagnate, but instead, use tragedy as learning and building experiences.

There are no easy solutions or easy answers. I know this because I have been working to end or address family violence for 25 years. It has been tough, slow work. But we have made impressive and gratifying progress. This very moment is a perfect teacher. Let us start this year with a renewed commitment, and rededicate ourselves to make this a safer place for families hiding in the pain of silence.

Nanci Kreidman, M.A., is the executive director of the Domestic Violence Action Center. She wrote this commentary for The Advertiser.