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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Every mom has something she'd rather not tell

By Angie Wagner
Associated Press

LAS VEGAS — I had known my friend as a mom for a couple of years when she finally revealed her "thing."

Every mom has one — that little secret you don't exactly want other moms knowing. Maybe you let your 2-year-old chew gum. Or, more earth-shattering in the mommy world, you breast-feed a 4-year-old.

My friend wasn't like that. She's one of those together, efficient moms who always seems to know how to solve any problem with children.

So I was shocked when we were on the phone one day and I heard something like this: "You get your a— back upstairs right now."

I was shocked, but not because she cursed at her toddler. It was then that I realized she is human, and even the most efficient mothers crack.

Her mommy slip-up showed me that it's OK to not be a perfect mom.

Since then, we've tried to find out what other mothers' "things" are. Sometimes it takes a while for something to be revealed, but it's always so nice when it does.

Take my friend Jen, whose kids go to preschool with mine. Her children are very well-behaved, and Jen never seems to lose her temper. What gives?

Finally, she spilled the beans: She had lost her young son at Disneyland and the park had to be shut down. She was so embarrassed telling the story, she was afraid what I might think.

I was overjoyed! Another mommy human!

Other things I found out: One mom puts her daughter in constant activities so she doesn't have to deal with her. Another admitted she has no schedule at all for her 3-year-old and no set bedtime. Yet another told me she used to put her kids down for bed at 5 p.m. so she didn't have to deal with them anymore.

Stephanie Guthrie, an Arlington, Texas, mom to a 4-year-old daughter, easily came up with her mommy thing: her daughter still sleeps in her bed.

"In her entire life, she's probably slept in her own bed maybe 10 times at the most. Every time I'd try to break her (and myself), something would mess it up — she'd get sick, we'd have company or I'd just be too tired to fool with it. Then, it just got easier to let her stay," she said.

So for now, her daughter is staying in bed with her, but Guthrie said most nights, Dad has to find his own place to sleep.

"It's so dysfunctional," she said.

Guthrie also said that one day she e-mailed a friend to say she was embarrassed to admit that she had just fed her daughter a sorry excuse for a lunch.

"She nonchalantly replied that her toddler son just had a piece of lunch meat and a tortilla. I laughed out loud because I immediately realized that I was taking everything too seriously."

So what is my "thing"?

I'm afraid I have many.

I occasionally bribe my 2-year-old with chocolate. I give my 4-year-old a penny for trying a new food. I used to let her stay up until 10 p.m. And I often tell my kids they have to take a nap because they are making mommy tired.

There. I said my things.

The great part about all this is that when you do find out the little secrets about other moms, it is proof that we are all in this together.