Q. Why does an 11-year-old boy need "bom chicka wahwah?"

A. He doesn't! I bet he doesn't even want it!

Today's topic: Axe body spray.

Until one recent morning, I just thought of it as the stinky stuff adolescent boys spray all over themselves because they don't realize that too much deodorant (or cologne or aftershave) can be just as repulsive as body odor.

The best is when they spray the Axe over the body odor instead of taking a shower.

Oh, wait! That's the worst.

Still, I like that my son is thinking about personal hygiene, so when he requested Axe, I went to the store, tested all the Axe Dry stick anti-perspirants and came home with the one that I thought smelled least offensive.

When I handed it to him, he must have felt like I did back in elementary school when my mom bought me a pair of turquoise Nikes with blue swooshes. Right brand, oh-so-wrong product.

I don't care. He can rub the stick in his pits as much as he wants and it's never going to be as overpowering as one hit of the body spray.

As long as I can drive our car with the windows up and the air-conditioner on, I'm happy.

My son is less pleased. He can't get himself to smell as pungent as his friend who uses the aerosol.

"Do you have a hard time sitting next to him?" I asked my son, who just looked at me in confusion.

I'm pretty sure he has a keener sense of smell than I do. He must just be less discriminating.

A friend with a teenage son describes the Axe scent as "perfume-covered sweat." Seems about right. It was funny, until the same friend asked me if I'd ever seen an Axe commercial.

I have now. You can watch them all on the Axe Effect site, where you have to wait for your "mojo" to load before you have access to the commercials and a video that is absolutely inappropriate for the Axe demographic.

Now I'm doubly troubled, not just by the stinkiness of the stuff, but the fact that the commercials draw in preteens with the promise of "bom chicka wahwah."

Could a product be anymore ewwww?

Reach Treena Shapiro at tshapiro@honoluluadvertiser.com.