She's thankful this Christmas to have another chance to be a good mother.

During nearly 10 years of abusing crystal methamphetamine, this single mom — who asked not to be identified — saw state officials take her children away.

Tired of the pain and chaos of addiction, she decided to clean up her life, graduated from drug treatment and has been drug-free for more than nine months. She just gave birth to a baby boy and has vowed to be a better mother.

"I know that he'll keep me straight," she said. "My kids mean a lot to me. I didn't realize it until it was too late and they were gone."

She said her older children have been adopted but that she hopes to eventually see them if their parents will allow it.

Since being sober, "I'm a whole different person," she said.

"After I started getting in touch with my spiritual side, that's when I told myself, 'I gotta do something. I can't just be a loser mom, do nothing and not worry about my kids,' " she said.

"My outlook on life is so different. There's so much more to live for."

Enjoying her sobriety and baby boy, she said she's ready to do more with her life. She said she will look for work when her son is a few months old and that she also plans to go back to school.

"What I'm thankful for is the chance that I got to turn my life around and ... for the people who were involved in helping me get here," she said. "And I'm thankful for my little baby. ... This time I promise I won't let it slip through my fingers. I'm going to be the best mom I can be, no matter what it takes."

The single mother, who lives with her sister, would appreciate a dresser for her new baby. She said she would like to also be able to give her daughters, now 6 and 7, some kind of present for Christmas, like a bike or a toy.

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Reach Lynda Arakawa at larakawa@honoluluadvertiser.com.

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