For many parents, the holidays are accompanied by a long list of events, activities and preparations that can leave them frazzled and fatigued. Children, too, are affected, if you allow the season's clamor and commotion to create chaos in your home.

"There are a number of reasons why children get keyed up during the holiday season," says Tara Sutton, a kindergarten teacher at Forwood Elementary School, in Wilmington. "First, there's an underlying air of energy and excitement that children feel but may not totally understand. Second, is an altered environment. Trees and other decorations go up, and the media promote must-have toys and holiday specials. Third, and most important, is a change in routines. Often, adults are so busy trying to cram things into their days that they alter their child's schedules."

The safe and predictable give way to the inconsistent and unfamiliar. For youngsters trying to make sense of it all, this can lead to insecurity, overexcitability and unwelcome behaviors.

Overexcitement may manifest itself in a variety of ways. "If your child is experiencing an upset stomach, headache, clinginess, regressive behaviors, insomnia or is belligerent, take a step back and think about what he's trying to tell you," says Sutton. "Then do what you can to keep his world as calm and consistent as possible."

ALIGN EXPECTATIONS WITH CHILD'S PERSONALITY

Jennifer Clark, mother of six, found this to be true during a shopping trip last year.

"It was nearing Christmas, and I had Laurel and the twins at the mall," recalls the Townsend, Del., mother.

She said she intended to take her 1-year-old and two 4-year-olds to a store after they got something to eat. But one store led to another.

"I knew I was extending Laurel's afternoon nap, but I was hoping she'd fall asleep in the stroller," Clark says. "Then she started showing signs of discontent, and it was a downward spiral from there. In the end, Laurel had this major meltdown, and I was angry with myself for not taking her cues."

"Different ages, temperaments and personalities are all factors that affect how kids deal with routine changes," says Laura Morris, associate director of the University of Delaware's Early Learning Center in Newark. "Parents need to look at what has and hasn't worked for their child and then align their expectations with that."

KEEP SOME RITUALS

If you know it's going to be a busy day, keep some rituals, such as mealtime and bedtime routines, intact. Or if one day is hectic, return to a normal schedule the next. If possible, brief your kids on upcoming changes and events so they know what to expect.

Michelle Flanagan tries to do this year-round, but the holidays present an added challenge. Last December her two preschoolers had a special program at school the same day her husband was out of town, and the morning went amok.

"I let the kids know ahead of time what to expect and planned to get there 45 minutes early. But I had to get my oldest off to school first," recalls the Wilmington, Del., mother of four. "The girls were overly excited about their concert, and one of them threw up in the car. We arrived five minutes before the program began. I sat in the back of the room, couldn't see a thing and just tried to keep the baby quiet."

EVEN SANTA CAN BE STRESSFUL

For some children, unfamiliar holiday events, such as visiting Santa, are accompanied by fear and trepidation. If this is the case, do a dry run.

"Look at Santa from a distance and talk about what you see," says Morris. "Use 'I wonder' statements: 'I wonder if it's kind of scary to sit on someone's lap you don't know? What do you think?' This validates your child's feelings, encourages dialogue and may help him work through it."

Perhaps the best way to help your children cope with holiday stress is to spend quality time together. Maintain cuddle time routines, schedule visits to the park, and make them an active participant in holiday chores — in the kitchen, while shopping and wrapping presents.

Most important, watch your own stress level. Children look to adults for guidance, and if parents are uptight, kids are going to pick up on that. Take care of yourself so you have the energy and patience to manage your children. And whatever you do, roll with the punches.

"Every year we do a photo shoot with the kids so we can send out Christmas cards," says Flanagan. "With four kids and a dog, it's quite an event. Sometimes I find myself getting upset, but then I remember the holidays are supposed to be fun, so we take a hundred photos and hope for at least one good shot."

MORE TIPS FOR MINIMIZING KIDS' HOLIDAY STRESS

• Recognize holiday stress factors — changes in routine and environment, underlying air of excitement and energy, media hype, parents' attitudes, duration of the season (a week can seem like an eternity to a child) — and keep things low-key until closer to the actual holiday.

• Consider how your child has handled past situations. Age, temperament and personality can affect how a child deals with changes in routine.

• Watch for signs of stress — upset stomach, headache, clinginess, regressive behaviors, insomnia, belligerence or crying.

• When your child misbehaves, think about what he is telling you: "I'm tired," "I'm confused," "I don't understand why things are different," "I want attention."

• Plan ahead. Think about how events may affect your child and prepare accordingly.

• If you're going out, bring along items that will make the trip easier: a favorite toy, familiar foods, comfort items, etc.

• Monitor your child in social situations. If your child is having a difficult time, leave before her behavior spirals out of control.

• Plan shopping trips when your child is rested and watch for cues that he's getting tired. If you need to shop all day, hire a sitter.

• As much as possible, maintain consistent routines, schedule downtime and ensure your child has enough rest and a proper diet to handle additional excitement and stress.

• Ask yourself what you want your child to take away from the holidays. Eliminate activities and events that aren't priorities.

• Take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, eat right and relax so you have the energy and patience to manage your child.

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