Once upon a time, the discipline of a child was seen as a simple matter that merited neither mental nor emotional strain. Parents understood that discipline was accomplished by meaning what one said and saying what one meant. If a parent told a child he could not have candy, then the parent showed that no amount of persuasion would obtain the candy.

Most folks back then also understood that the need to deliver consequences — i.e., to punish — could be minimized if a parent acted, spoke and followed through like a competent leader. In other words, discipline was (and still is!) a matter of leadership, not punishmentship.

But those understandings cracked before an onslaught of psychological propaganda to the effect that the discipline of a child was the same as the training of a rat — that the same "behavioral" principles that teach a rat to run a maze, such as reward and punishment, can also teach a child proper behavior.

But animal nature and human nature are different. A human may opt for punishment over and over again. The need to prove that the only authority in the child's life is the child cancels the effect of the punishment.

Because today's parents do not understand that reward does not always strengthen human behavior and punishment does not necessarily weaken it, the discipline of children has become frustrating and stressful. The solution is the understanding that discipline is a matter of how well one communicates, not how well one manipulates consequences.

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers questions at www.rosemond.com.