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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Wednesday, December 14, 2005

For the fan who has everything

By Ferd Lewis
Advertiser Columnist

'Tis the season for gift-giving and if you have looked at the roads to the malls lately, you know it can be a jungle out there.

So, if you've got a sports fan on your list, why not check out these fine one-of-a-kind gift suggestions and avoid the traffic and headaches?

University of Hawai'i-model Doghouse. If it is good enough for your favorite Warrior, your pooch is sure to like it, too. Big enough for a 245-pound running back.

Pat Riley Autograph Knife Set. Made from the finest fire-tempered steel. Perhaps you saw the carving knife he recently "gave" Stan Van Gundy.

Michael Bamberger Global Positioning Golf Tracker. As seen in Sports Illustrated. Be the first one in your foursome to have this handy, dandy gadget that will tell you if one of your partners drops his/her ball even a fly's eyelash off the right spot. Not endorsed by Michelle Wie.

Larry Brown Luggage Set. For the person on your Christmas list who does a lot of traveling. If they are constantly picking up and moving, this durable set is a must.

Spartanade. The official power drink of the Michigan State men's basketball team. Not recommended for use in warm climates. Does, however, make for interesting conversation piece if you lose.

Rainbow Wahine Volleyball NCAA Tournament Travel Kit. Comes with snow parka, earmuffs, long underwear, ice fishing implements and dog-sled to help you survive conditions as cold as an NCAA selection committee's heart.

Dom Capers NFL Draft Game. Someone who has hatched a brilliant plan to get Reggie Bush as the No. 1 pick in the NFL draft? Or just the coach of a really bad football team? You decide how to play out the season.

Rafael Palmeiro Lie Detector Set. As seen on C-Span. Tells you when someone is lying to Congress or is just the innocent victim of a mistake.

Reagan Mauia Transformer Figure. Watch a 350-pound lineman suddenly turn into a runaway train of a running back scattering defenders across the field.

T.O. Dynamite. Stronger than C-4. Named after Terrell Owens, the man who inspired it. Powerful enough to poison a clubhouse and blow a team right out of contention.

Joe Pa's Magic Elixir. You might not look better, but just like Joe Paterno you will certainly feel decades younger and convince people you can still do the job.

Adam Morrison Mustache Trimmer. Will help give you the look of the high-scoring Gonzaga star. You're on your own for shooting tips, however.

Alex Rodriguez Poker Table. No need to venture into the gambling clubs of New York and risk taking all that postseason abuse when you play at home.

Kellen Winslow III Crash Cycle. Guaranteed to give you a wild ride. Recommended only for those who can afford to take a year — or several — off from work.

Cliff's Notes Guide to the NCAA Manual. Never opened by the previous owner, the Fresno State basketball office.

Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8044.